So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
cat food counts as protein by the way
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
