Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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