She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
