I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
