i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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