OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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