Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
