Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
