did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
