You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
