ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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