Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
