i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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