You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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