Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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