hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
