im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
