Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize