Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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