It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
