I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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