Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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