apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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