What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
BRING THE BAGELS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
