i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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