Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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