You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have post one night stand depression
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