Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
