I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
