My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
