I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
