you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
