hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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