he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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