its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
