You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
