i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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