i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
