i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
