wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
