thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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