I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
