im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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