his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She bit a glass in half.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
