He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
