I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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