if i can run in heels then i can drive
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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