We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
