I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
