Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
