Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
