I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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