Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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