This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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