Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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