MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
