update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The ass gains better be worth it
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