Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Randomize
