Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
