I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just googled if crying burns calories
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
