She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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