We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize