i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
