she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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