Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
