Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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