Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My room smells like vodka and shame
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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