im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't turn off my feet"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
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