K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
