Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
