yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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