I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
