I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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