he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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