I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
