bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
