sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
