I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
