i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
