WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
