i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
