I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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