Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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