Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
