i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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