I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
