You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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