the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
