Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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