I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
