Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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