I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Can you bring me the toilet please
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
