My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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