Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
