Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
