just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
