im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
