We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We need to rekindle our bromance
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
