I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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