Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
