"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His hands were made for my vagina.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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