I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
